Hard Headache Day

Ritalin Hard Working Day

I woke up around seven, even before the cell phone alarm went off. There's a true and convincing explanation to that: I took a Ritalin tab just before falling asleep last night (10 mg). For those not familiar with it, Ritalin is a medicine prescribed to me by my doctor; it's a kind of anphetamine that works on some neural connections in the brain, quite similar to the way cocaine does. Actually, Ritalin is prescribed mostly for children who suffer from ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). For some adult people like me it works as an "upper" and helps me be more alert, and completely focused on what I'm doing: be it reading, studying or working. Ritalin acquisition is strictly controlled by the legal system, and one can only buy it if prescribed by a psychiatrist or neurologist. Be that as it may, the fact is that it works: I was able to be up much earlier this morning, studied my guitar lessons very enthusiastically until it was time to get to work.

Once at the courthouse, I felt very stimulated to handle all the paperwork that was piled upon my table because of my yesterday absence. Some people think coffee, natural stimulants or Red Bulls can make one feel up to doing everything; but for me, all these substances are nothing but placebos when compared to Ritalin.

By lunch time I had some sort of depressing feeling, and walked to the main cathedral to have a seat and meditate for a while before having lunch. I was aware that light depression may come as a side effect of the medicine I took, so I didn’t care much about it. After lunch, I walked back to the courthouse and worked hard until seven – I was among the last group of people who left the court building.

I took up some bread and milk in the supermarket on my way home. As I walked back, I kept thinking seriously about quitting Ritalin and Clonazepan (Klonopin). I know I’m already dependant on these substances, not so much in Ritalin perhaps, but in Klonopin for sure. I can take Ritalin whenever I want; there’s no craving for taking it if I decide to give it a break, there’s no abstinence crisis in times when I run out of it. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same about Clonazepan (Klonopin). If I go through more than 24 hours without taking it, I get unbearably unquiet and anxious, as if the whole world would collapse just under my feet.  But I think the worst of all is not getting any sleep for a whole night if I don’t take it. With all that said, of course I must be honest and admit I’m addicted to this medicine, both physically and psychologically – and it’s been just like that for no less than ten years. But I still have an important fact to my advantage in this whole issue: my average Clonazepan dose is around 1,5 to 2 mg a day. That amount may be too much in some people’s opinion, but I know many Clonazepan users who take no less than 4 to 6 mg a day (and they’re normal people, they have jobs, families, and go about their daily lives just as anyone else does). Anyway, I’m going to gradually decrease my daily dose as the doctor told me to. One less drop today, one less tomorrow and so on.

To sum up it all, the whole thing goes like that: Clonazepan (Klonopin) when I need my thoughts to slow down to get a sweet sleeping night, and Ritalin whenever I need to be up, ready and attentive.

This is a crazy world we have to live in with its unbalanced way of life, the modern capitalist society. First they turn you into an anxious and unquiet person - they give you the poison and make you fall sick; then they sell you their own antidotes. The whole problem is the side effects from the medicine they prescribe to you. And life keeps going that way. It just keeps going...

A Workless Day

Adega do Gaúcho (Gaucho Wine Cellar): The place I decided to spend Monday afternoon intead of going to work.

Ok, I must give in to you that I haven't gone to work today. It was almost 9:30 when I woke up and I felt myself really heavy, dizzy and too much lazy to take my way and get to work. Then I decided to just stay in bed and let time go by, not caring about routine, and not giving a shit to life itself. What has to be is just going to be, so let it follow that way; I'm going to enjoy it until the last little moment. After all, I can make up for this day if I stay longer at work for the next following days at work. So that's for you, state court of law, staff coordinators and commissioners where I work: just leave me alone for today, and fuck you. I'm on my own this Monday and that's simply great.

I kept sleeping - or just lying lazily and thoughtless on bed -,  until it was about 1:30 P.M. Then I finally awoke for the day, and walked down a few blocks to China in Box to get some meal there. I had some fried chicken fingers and rice, and asked for some juice to drink along with the meal.

I wasn't sure how to go about my afternoon as I left China in Box, then went to the wine cellar nearby and asked for a couple of wine glasses - three glasses that I drank soft and gently, without any kind of worry on mind.

I then felt grateful for having a job where sometimes I can just miss a work day without any trouble about getting fired or anything else. Of course I don't appreciate much what I do - dealing with lawyers, lots of paperwork, bureaucracy and everything -, but it has it's bright sight too. I guess most things in life are like that: it depends much on the way you see things, much more than the way things really are (if you take for granted that it's possible for something to just "be" in an absolute way, with no relative outlook involved). 
Cheers.

Parapsicologia, Precognição e Jung: Breve Conversa Entre Amigos

E-mail recebido de Nataniel na manhã de 20 de agosto de 2012:  

Caro Gláucio,

ontem de manhã, tão logo abri os olhos, a primeira imagem que me veio em saudade foi a da minha irmã mais velha. Fazia um bom tempo que não nos víamos e que nem nos falávamos. E então levantei-me, tomei meu desjejum, comecei a fazer meu trabalho, fiz depois um lanche, voltei ao trabalho, almocei... e minha irmã não saia da mente. Decidi: vou ligar para ela. E aí aconteceu de antes de eu tirar o fone do gancho, o telefone toca. Do outro lado: a minha irmã.

— Oi, fio! Desde ontem só tô pensando em você... Como é que você está?

Tremi da cabeça ao dedão do pé.

Em Viena, no dia 25 de março de 1909, houve um encontro de duas grandes mentes... Jung